Question Asked


What about the MEN who deny their wife of sex too (or can’t a woman ask for sex too)?

Bisimilahir Rahmonir Raheem

A lot of women had messaged me to answer this question above (on the Hadith of Abu Hurayrah that said: A woman who refuses her husband, the Angels will be cursing until the morning and so on….)  and say what Islam says about it. Well, I will say exactly what scholars said about it and nothing else Bi Ithnillaah.

It is a known fact that women are mere commodities in the Jahiliyyah period (advent before Islam) and some cultures all around the globe. They regard them as part of her father’s or husband’s property. That’s why they are inherited in some cultures while sharing the WILL or property after the death of her husband. I believe we all remember that the Arab sees the birth of a baby girl as a bad omen and some were even buried alive then.

But Islam came to establish the status and rights of the woman on earth. With Islam, all previous messages and scriptures about women were altered or obliterated. Islam came to crown all of the messages with the most perfect guidance from Allaah, leaving no detail untouched, and reestablishing the right position for the woman.

With all these Islam had brought for a woman as RIGHTS and OBLIGATIONS for them, yet we still see some of our men who still treat them as a lesser being that they can HUMILIATE, OPPRESS at convenience and even deny her of her rights in her matrimonial home. Let’s go to the main question talking about SEX (a man denying the woman of sex).

One of the problems facing marriages nowadays is a man claiming a woman must do this and that but he forgetting his rights and responsibilities. Especially the hadith quoted above on denial of sex from the woman’s part. Yes, we have a clear text telling a woman not to deny the husband copulation and if she does, so so and so will happen to her. What about a man that deny the wife of sex? OR a woman can’t as for it?

The women’s rights are ordained by Allaah Subuhanahu Wa Ta’ala, and no one may violate them for any reason.

Allaah told us in the Quran 2 verse 187 about how the couples are to each other. He says: It is made lawful for you to have sexual relations with your wives on the night of As-Sawm. They are Libas [body cover] for you and you are the same for them. AND He also said in the same Surah verse 228. ……….. And they (women) have RIGHTS (over their husbands) similar (to those of their husbands) over them (as regards obedience and respect) to what is reasonable, but men have a degree (of responsibility) over them. And Allaah is All-Mighty, All-Wise.

And Rosulullaah said a lot on this too. He said:

Uthman Bn Maz’un and Abdullaah Bn Amr (Raadiyallaahu Anhumo) said that Allaah’s Messenger said:

“Your wife has a right upon you.”[Recorded by Bukhari, Muslim and others]

Amr Bn Al-Ahwaz (Raadiyallaahu Anhu) said that Allaah’s Messenger said:

“Lo! You have rights on your women, and your women have rights on you.”[Recorded by Tirimidhee, An-Nasai and Ibn Majah.]

Who says a woman can’t ask for sex when it is one of her rights in the marriage? Who thinks a woman that asks for it is a whore or a wayward woman?

Fulfilling the wife’s rights is evidence that you fear Allaah on the Amanah you have taken her upon. It is a trust between the man and his Lord (Subuhanahu Wa Ta’ala), and He will question him about that trust.

Jabir (Raadiyallaahu Anhu) reported that Allah’s Messenger said:

“Have taqwa of Allaah regarding your women. Indeed, you took them in marriage through a trust with Allaah and had access to their private parts by Allaah’s word (permission). They have a right on you…that you provide for them with food and clothing in a fitting manner.” [Recorded by Muslim and Abu Dawud].

A woman has rights and obligations. Her rights must be fulfilled seriously and fairly. This is an important requirement in Islam; neglecting it constitutes clear disobedience and threatens the well being of the family and the Muslim society.

Now, what happens to a man who refuses to give (clothing, feeding and sex) to a woman when she asked for it (in a befitting manner)? Watch out for the next episode called THE OPPRESSING SPOUSE.


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